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Good evening, my fellow Americans. First, I want to pass on my condolences to the people of New York and all Americans that
are hurting in this tragic time. You can rest assured that anything and everything that can be done to assure the safety of
our country will be done. This is the greatest country in the world and we will get through this trying time. Now is the time
for all people to set aside our petty differences and show the world that no one or nothing can destroy the fortitude of the
American people.
To the people responsible for today's tragedy, I say this: Are you fucking kidding me? Are the
turbans on your heads wrapped too tight? Have you gone too long without a bath? Do you not know who you are fucking with?
Americans are so hungry to kill that we shoot at each other every day. We will relish that opportunity for new targets for
our aggression.
Have you forgotten history? What happened to the last people that started fucking around with
us? Remember the little yellow bastards over in Japan? We slapped them all over the Pacific and roasted about two million
of them in their own backyard. That's what we in America call a big-ass barbecue. Ever seen Texas on a map? Ever wonder why
it's so big? Because we wanted it that way. Mexico started jacking around with the Alamo and now they cut our lawns. England?
We sent 'em packing.
Ask your buddy Saddam about fucking with the good ol' USA. The only reason he got away the
first time is because it's too hard to shoot someone when you're doubled over laughing at them. Our soldiers aren't trained
to laugh and shoot at the same time. Now he couldn't stop a pack of Cub Scouts from taking over his shitty little country.
Trust us, Afghanistan will end up a giant kitty litter box. Go ahead and try to hide, Bin Laden. There's not a
hole deep enough or a mountain high enough that's going to keep your camel-riding asses safe. We will bomb every inch of the
country that harbors him, his camps and any place that looks and even smells like he was there. Hell, we might even drop a
few bombs on people that have pissed us off in the past. This is America. We kick ass. This is what we do. Go ahead and laugh
now, but the Tomahawks are coming and we will smoke your sorry asses.
God Bless America!
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