September 12, 2001

Dear Osama Bin Laden, Yasser Arafat, and Sadam Hussein, et. al.,

We are pleased to announce that we unequivocally accept your challenge to an old-fashioned game of whoop-ass. Now that we understand the rule that there are no rules, we look forward to playing by them for the first time.

Since this game is a winner-take-all, we unfortunately are unable to invite you to join us at the victory celebration. But rest assured that we will toast you -- LITERALLY.

While we will admit that you are off to an impressive lead, it is however now our turn at the plate. By the way, we will be playing on your court now.

Batter up.

Sincerely,
The 270,000,000 citizens of the United States of America